My guys hanging out on the couch this evening (in between wrestling and building towers with bristle blocks). By the way, the pelt on the wall is a wallaby from Sydney, Australia (from Josh's Aunt Cassandra and Uncle Graham).
And here I am relaxing in B's Tonka Truck chair :o)
Josh was able to come home yesterday. It was a long day with lots of ups and downs, but in the end he came home and that's what is important. There is going to be a lot of adjustments and there is a whole new set of rules, but things are starting to feel much more normal (if there is such a thing as normal).
In other news, my body has decided that it is exhausted and I am not battling some sort of sinus ailment. I feel good for the most part, but I have a lot of head congestion. I guess if I have to be sick, at least it's now when Josh is home to help with B.
We learned yesterday that Josh will be able to come home possibly as early as Monday. We decided that instead of waiting and petitioning for the judge to reconsider the sentence, our best bet would be to request in-home detention (house arrest). This situation will allow Josh to still carry out his sentence but he'll do it from the comfort of our home where he can help me care for B and take care of things around the house. He'll have to wear an electronic ankle bracelet equipped with GPS so he can't go more than 1000 feet from our home - except to go to work. I especially like this stipulation since I have a lot of work I need done around here! Kidding -- kind of!!
While this whole situation is far from "ideal", I still stand firm in my belief that God works all things for good. He doesn't want us to hurt and go through hard times, but He does promise to use those hurts for good. I can attest to a lot of the good that has come out of this less than ideal situation. And while I'm admittedly apprehensive about the weeks ahead, I am also so excited to see the amazing things God has planned for my family.
So if you think about us this week, please pray for an easy transition for my family, especially for B.
I know most of you are probably thinking this very same thought with Mother's Day quickly approaching - but I'm fairly certain that I have the greatest mother on the planet. Not only did she give me life (which I hear wasn't easy due to umbilical cord complications during my birth!), but she has taught me about life. Not by words, but by example. She inspires and encourages me on a daily basis. She is beautiful inside and out. She is my best friend and biggest fan even when I'm least deserving of love and admiration. I am so blessed and I thank God every day for her. While it's nice of Hallmark to give us a day to honor our mother's, I think my mother deserves a celebration every day.
Yesterday was my "birthiversary". Josh and I were married on my 24th birthday, so it's a combined birthday/anniversary celebration. This birthiversary was difficult for me, obviously, because I wasn't able to celebrate it with my husband. I was able to see him, hold him, and exchange cards - for that, I am thankful. The past few weeks have taught me to cling to what is good and find any positive I can in daily life. So instead of being depressed and sad, I had a good birthiversary and was thankful for the things that God has given me even though I am undeserving. As silly as it sounds, I am even thankful for the current circumstances because they have made me dig deep inside and strive to be the momma/wife/sister/daughter/friend/etc. that I know God wants me to be. When people ask me how I am doing or comment on how well I am doing, I want them to know that it is not because of me - it's all God. I would be a complete wreck without His grace, mercy, love, etc.
Well B and I seem to have fallen into as "normal" of a routine as we are going to get for a while. We have been keeping VERY busy with our friends and have quick visits with Daddy when we can (before/after Josh is at work). My friend Michelle has been so awesome and supportive over the last couple of weeks. She lets me cry/vent/laugh (or whatever I need to do at the moment) and she just lets me be me.
Michelle and I met through some mutual friends when we were both attending the local community college about 8 or 9 years ago. I would say we were acquaintances at the time. After college, we never really hung out anymore. Around a year and a half ago, our paths crossed again, only this time we were both married with kids (well "kids" for her, "kid" for me!). Anyway, Michelle and I have spoken at length about this - and we both honestly feel that God brought us back into each other's lives at the perfect time. She is such a beautiful, caring, and loving person and I am so blessed to be able to call her my friend. The last year and a half hasn't been the easiest for either of us, but it's been a lot easier since we have each other. I thank God every day for her - and B thanks God every day for her daughters (his best friends!).
JOSH UPDATE: I know so many people are praying for Josh and my family and I cannot tell you what that means to us. I have seen such an awesome change in Josh and I think we know the only ONE who can bring that kind of peace and change.
So, I started writing this post a couple of times over the past week. Then I just draw a blank, or stare at the screen, or start watching funny videos on YouTube (best therapy in the world, by the way!). I guess it's tough to know where to begin and exactly how to put into words the things I would like to say. I struggle with being vulnerable, letting my guards down and exposing my less than perfect life. But hey, who doesn't? And then I remember, in the Bible God never once promised us that life would be easy or without pain and problems. In fact, He promises us that this life will be painful and hard.
As for my life, it's been going something like this:
Late last week, Josh was found to have been in violation of his probation (for an offense that occured a couple years ago), and the court ruled to revoke his probation. Basically, this means that his original sentence has been imposed and he is now at the county detention center. While Josh knew he was wrong and had admitted to making a mistake, neither of us expected his day in court to go quite so badly. Needless to say, it has been a tough transition for the entire family.
And while the situation is most definitely less than ideal (to say the least), I have had a great sense of peace. Don't get me wrong, I miss my husband dearly and it pains me to have to think about how much his heart is aching being away from us. However, I deeply believe that God loves me and He will never leave me or forsake me. You see, God doesn't make mistakes and He is not surprised by anything that I am going through at the moment. Instead of being hurt, or angry, or sad, I am trusting completely that God will make all things right if I surrender to His will for my life.
As for Josh, he told me this past Monday that he is happy with the outcome of his court hearing because he knows that it was exactly what he needed to put his life into perspective. He knows that surrendering his life to his own will is never going to work.
Thank you for all of your prayers and support. This week, please pray for a continued sense of peace for our family and that Josh will be able to rest. (He was moved into the work release program on Tuesday so that he can continue working - major answer to prayer. However, he has some less than steller "roommates" who stay up all night long playing cards, watching TV, carrying on, etc. making it extremely difficult for Josh to sleep.)
This has not been a great week for our family. In fact, if I were going to be completely honest, I would say it was our worst. If I had the brain power to put it all into words, I would. But I don't. I hardly had the brain power to take my son to Wal-Mart this morning. For now, this Mercy Me video about sums it up for me. Please keep my family in your prayers.
There are two sides to this post. The first is that I fell completely in love with my daughter all over again because I hadn't seen her that way since the day she was born. I cried until I couldn't breathe, and my computer screen was covered in the fingerprints of a mother who wants her daughter back. The second (as you will see) is that ONLY the Lord Himself could have orchestrated the peace that filled the room the day we had with our girl. I want to say something really profound here, and to give you life-changing words that you will carry with you, outpouring from a heart that has experienced God's grace firsthand. Of course, the only way to know that peace is to know Him. Nothing I say can make you believe in His love the way He desires you to. As you watch, please know that I am choosing to share this video because I trust you with my daughter. I feel safe with you, and I want you to know that the transparency I am able to display is quite simply because it is not my story to tell. I just showed up and asked the Master to speak to His servant. I hope you will too...in many ways. And if you have questions about Jesus, please e-mail me. I would be honored to talk to you about the One Who really matters. The One that allows a mother to reveal the darkest day of her life in the hopes that others will seek the great light that is our Lord. I am humbled, honored, and blessed to introduce you (in a new way) to my fourth daughter, Audrey Caroline. May her life continue to be the beacon it was intended to be, and for the rest of my days, may I humbly serve as her voice in this life. Thank you, Sundays. Now make yourself comfortable for about 11 minutes, and meet the one who captured all of our hearts...I do want to make you aware that when the girls are sitting on the bed with me and a nurse comes to take Audrey's pulse (approximately 9 minutes into the video), she nods to tell me that we have lost her to this world. You will see me mouth the words, "she's gone." The girls never knew that she had just been greeted by the King of Kings. I needed to keep up a strong face for the kids, but I was crushed. I ask them if they know where she really is and then ask what she might be doing. I kind of do a funny dance for them to picture her dancing, but other than that, I don't make a big deal out of it because I was really worried about their response. I mention all of this so that you can use your judgment in sharing with others who may not be comfortable with the situation. At the end of the video, you will see us sitting by her casket as a family. Sarah Kate is ripping off the band-aids to signify that she is healed; and praise God, we believe she is. "For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, and invites us to dance. We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, "You have turned my mourning into dancing" (Ps 30:11), because at the center of our grief we can find the grace of God." (excerpt from Henri Nouwen's "Turn My Mourning Into Dancing") With more love than I can express, Angie,
Now CLICK HERE to meet Audrey Caroline. And please keep Angie, Todd and their three girls in your prayers today (Audrey's 1st birthday) and throughout the week.
My guys hanging out on the couch this evening (in between wrestling and building towers with bristle blocks). By the way, the pelt on the wall is a wallaby from Sydney, Australia (from Josh's Aunt Cassandra and Uncle Graham).
And here I am relaxing in B's Tonka Truck chair :o)
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